Nobody "Needs" My Help
Does anyone actually “need” help? Read this and watch the video linked at the bottom before you answer.
This question can bring up some fiery reactions. “Of course people need people!” or “Not everyone but some people really DO need help.”
It’s counter-intuitive but questioning that need for something outside ourselves can be a path to the medicine that sets you free.
As newborns, yes we needed to be cared for. Humans are born so helpless and absolutely in need of nurturing. The problem is we need to get enough of it steadily throughout childhood while the brain is forming. So many of us, arguably the majority of Americans, didn’t get this need fulfilled and so we didn’t get a sense of inner security established within.
Our culture is based in “independence,” and all too soon the floor gets snatched from under us. We are made to grow up too quickly and especially young boys are made to “be a big boy” much too early. Heartbreakingly, the nurturing and emotional support was still needed in order to BECOME independent. It has to be modeled by our caregivers for years before it’s internalized.
As a society we drop the ball in terms of being a culture that supports families to love and nurture children sufficiently. Parents have to go to work. Kids have to go to other caregivers. The human nervous system is extremely sensitive, more than we care to acknowledge.
The result is a series of micro-traumas even in the healthiest families. The result is millions of adults who didn’t get that need for nurturing met when they were small - so we continue to reach for it outside of ourselves, usually in romantic relationships.
What if the support we seek is inside of ourselves? And in reaching outside we can learn how to find it inside? Then the support transitions from needing to be rescued to wanting the helpful assistance of a guide. You are already strong, you just need a guide to show you, and then remind you again and again until it’s rooted securely.
This is the whole of what I offer to my clients. I’m looking for the window that is open to teach this one thing. You are the one you are looking for, here is how to find yourself, here is how to offer yourself the medicine.
Perhaps a healthier mindset is around Wanting and Desiring support vs Needing, and Choosing to seek it because you know it’s healthy to reach out when you’re in struggle. Then that support functions as simply a Reminder. “Oh yes, I remember. I’m back! I can do this, I can be here for myself”
It’s such a feeling of relief to be home safely again - when you discover your home is in your Heart, and you already have everything you need inside. It’s all right there.
If you’re curious, watch as I’m coached by MY coach Alyssa Nobriga a Coaching Mastery immersion in her home in Los Angeles. It’s through my process of experiencing coaching that I learned to show up powerfully and coach others. I share this to demonstrate that I’m a human just like you and I believe in the power of vulnerability to create connection. I want you to know you are supported in this journey to inner security and I’m so honored to serve everyone who chooses me as their guide.